Mission: Help save the humans
Method: Build a philosophy of life that downsizes our boot print on the Earth and on each other’s neck
Dateline: Saturday, January 25, 2025 – Only 16 years to go until we are plugged in beside our toaster… and 25 until the CCP achieves its 100-year plan of replacing the West’s puppetmasters with their own—just in time for Atlantis to sink into the ocean again. Yay.
Fellow Puppets: The primary order of business this cold wintry day is to warm your heart with an apology from us the reactionary cavepeople of the era of smog and industry to our more civilized thought leaders of the woke brigade in the global groupthink war against the little people. Subjected as you are to fifteen solid years of brainwashing by the only group besides parents that have legal access to your ears on a daily basis, we are in a race against time to deprogram you before the cult completely takes over your minds. WTF? you ask. Insert smiley face here. The kind of social media-speak we engage in is bound to offend both the karens and kens of the old world order as well as the sisses and stans of the new world order. You will be bombarded with bytes of raw teenaged thought leadership as propagated in Lord of the Flies and on the raging epicenters of the social media continuum—and will be offered a better, more sustainable way of looking at the world. We humans are so full of contradictions, our message is both toxin and elixir to match our modern society, and we do not believe in throwing people away. Every human on the planet is right in some small way—and nobody can be all wrong—so behave yourself and we’ll keep our finger-pointing to a minimum.
The second order of business is to warn you squishies that two of the three greatest threats to our future as human beings come from the so-called vertibrates—from the media and lobbying empires; chest-thumping NGOs; and politicized, tax-evading corporations. While we get carried away warring with each other in the streets, the real enemy sneaks up on us from behind—the real enemy being those transnational baddies (bunker dwellers). The rehabilitation of our great people will proceed under the guidance of The Human Charter—once known as The Chocolate Party Manifesto in the days of quills and papyrus, back in the stone age when you had to be able to write your name in cursive script. The total running time for your deprogramming from the cult will be 52 weeks, after which time lefties and righties are expected to conduct a group hug in the manner of those New York candle and crying ceremonies. By the time we are done here, you’ll no longer be tarred as lefties and righties. You’ll be known as singles and doubles—like tasty cocktails—and we’ll be able to put the safety catch on our exploding pens and hang up our swords.
What you are being offered here is a DIY manual to help you sort out your own philosophy of life. It is a crude attempt to record some of the common sense gathered from all corners of the globe and fast disappearing. You will feast on a toxic stew of plain, simple truths written in stone a thousand years ago and more recently by anachronisms of the past who are now over 70 and better off dead, so the children say when they don’t like the toys they got under the tree. We plan to throw a lot of ideas together into the same soup pot and sort them out along the way, swinging from one binary extreme through non-binary territory to the other binary extreme, like any good pendulum. If this sounds like a tongue-in-cheek attempt to establish a workable set of beliefs and compromises that may arrest the rapid descent into hell of our people and our culture, you are absolutely right. Listen hard and listen long before ancient wisdom is forever lost, and history and the dictionary are completely rewritten to conform with public policy. And don’t prejudge. Our seesaw is earthbound and binary, and we sit at the fulcrum—call it Buddha’s cross or Foucault’s pendulum as you like. You, however, may sit anywhere you like along its entire length. Self-enslave to goals and enjoy the ride, but don’t fall off or you lose the game as self-enslavement gives way to self-destruction.
You are tuned in to the populist voice of tomorrow, coming to you by samizdat from an Edgar Cayce safe place deep under the ground somewhere in the Western Hemisphere far from any intersection of telluric lines. My name is Earl Warhus—dissident informer, or snitch, of an unmentionable skin color from a gender formerly known as male on the modern social revolutionary movement for what used to be known as the moral majority—and I am your host for this unprecedented event: the birth of a project to make the humans great again, to build back better a true democracy—a nation of people from all walks of life with widely divergent opinions living in harmony. Our program is not in high drama, nor is it meant to be flashy. After all, the more lights on the Christmas tree, the shabbier the tree underneath. Huh? Pay attention, for these words are cutting edge in a forward-to-the-past kind of way. Snippets will appeal to gun-and-God lovers, and others to the Western world’s good-intentions-terrorists. But don’t mistake our criticism for a dislike of kids. After all, this treatise is geared toward humans with pimples more than any other demographic, to help you build a rock—a firm place on which to stand and rule over your universe, as Aristotle might have said. Please think hard before turning the page. This manual is dangerous and may cause headaches and hot flashes. Those of you with conventional beliefs, such as *LGBT* and card-carrying XRs, may find their hair standing on end.
It is a miracle that you are even reading these words! That means they have not been completely banned or blocked, and that your populist spirit is fully alive and open to alternative arguments. Whether lean like a willow and are prone to diplomacy and sophistication; or you stretch like an oak with a potentially fierce and principled intelligence, you deserve credit for inadvertently fighting for the right of the little people to read anything that has ever been printed—the good, the bad and the ugly. Hereon out you will be invited to fight for the right to talk about it as well—using either the hammer of conviction or the oil can of persuasion—at the risk of a media fatwa or a takedown by nanny state police who beat up reporters and wrestle to the ground innocent priests running foodbanks and keeping up the spirits of the downhearted. Both the left and the right have failed miserably to stand up for the rights of the little people, so we will follow our own credo and fight for ourselves. Together, we will become the puppet army—the popul in populism—and may the bunker dwellers be on the right side of history. Now remember to brush your teeth and wash behind your ears. Damn! Was that a knock at the door? It’s 4am! Forgot to turn off the GPS signature, Android locator and recorder on my phone. Hell, I gotta turn the lights back on! Are face coverings legal? Where’s that dirty Corona mask when you need it?
